Saturday, November 1, 2008

WHO IS TO BLAME?

In a recent discussion with grandparents raising their grandchildren the subject of, hang on, GUILT, came up with some very passionate responses. The dynamics impacting families are huge. Trying to determine who's fault when an adult child makes poor decisions that leads to kinship care of their children is like walking through a dense fog at night. We keep bumping into things that are almost impossible to understand. Why a young person chooses drugs or abandonment or selfabsorption with no room for the responsibilities of a child is very difficult to figure out. Such psychological journeys are individual and time-consuming. In the meantime, children need the safety and securing of a loving environment - now! When grandparents step in to provide the immediate need they are often confronted with the guilt of their own adult child's choices. Guilt is an incideous little devil that can eat away at our most powerful defenses.
The group discussing this dynamic was suddenly comforted by one grandmother's wisdom:
"I don't take credit for my children's accomplishments," she said, "so why should I take the blame for their difficulties?"
Something to think about.
Peace,
Tita

2 comments:

amy said...

Thanks for this great blog for grandparents raising grandchildren. I am Amy and I worked at AARP for 15 years -heading up the Grandparenting work. I am now at a new website for grandparents - www.grandparents.com. I'd love to share some of our online resources with your readers if you're interested you can email me at amy@grandparents.com.

Again thanks for this great blog, and keep up the good work!

Tita said...

Thank you, Amy, for your kind words and for all the work you have done for Grandfamilies. I think together we can improve the lives of relative caregivers all over our good country. Best to you always,
Tita